he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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