I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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