On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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