This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
