Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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