So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
