do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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