im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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