Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
