Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
