So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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