Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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