hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
