I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
