I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
