I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
