he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
