Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
