Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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