Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
