are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize