also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
