i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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