i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
