You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
