the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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