I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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