After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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