Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
