yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
