Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
