you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
