i just had sex bonerless
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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