As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
