Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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