Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
