tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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