We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
