Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What a dumb baby whore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
