jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
