my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
