the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
