i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
