We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
