btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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