Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
