that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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