i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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