Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
