fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
