i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
