Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

(410): View more from Maryland

engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

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(510): View more from California

Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I had to brake up with him.

(602): View more from Arizona

In my experience drinking helps.

(480): View more from Arizona

You dont want to know why?

(602): View more from Arizona

Not really. I want to drink.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control

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(810): View more from Michigan

Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

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(614): View more from Ohio

Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant

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(786): View more from Florida

Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?

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