can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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