What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
