so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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