did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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