Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
