the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
