Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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