So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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