Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
