What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
