If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
