i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
