Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
