I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
