I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
