So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
