And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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