I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
