Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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