Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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